Excerpts from a Journal: Poland
by Jaclyn Saltzman
(Illinois, USA)
Chimneys.
There were shadows of people and corpses that littered the roads and concrete here. The thick, lush grass now coats the acres and acres of land that house nothing but rotten chimneys; that greenery was once harsh gravel.
Railroads.
A thundering roar would indicate a new load of Flesh–because we were not people, not to ourselves and not to them, I was not a person, but mere Flesh–to be dumped upon an overflowing, fast moving graveyard. Train tracks leading to some-place only dropped off Flesh; Flesh never had the chance to leave that no-place.
Carcasses.
Drenched with despair and hunger–so much hunger–old carcass and new carcass would meet and would still be nothing but carcasses. Non-breathing carcasses had no place in the world, except to be used to heat breathing carcasses. Non-breathing and breathing were the only categories. We were all lumped under carcass. Clothing, or what passed off as such, was stripped immediately from any non-breathing carcass–brother, father, mother, sister, it didn’t matter since we were all only Flesh, if that–and used to heat other breathing carcasses.
Chimneys.
Now there are no carcasses except those that are shadows and created in a vivid mind. They are still there, but only because of the chimneys.
All I can see are chimneys.
Carcasses litter the ground.
_________________________________________________________
I sit on the steps by the massive stone memorial. It is freezing and windy, but I cannot complain. The harsh weather is entirely appropriate, and in some way, it steels me for what is to come and what has come to pass.
A mountain of ash sits behind me.
Their deaths are not dignified. They were murdered; not brutally though, because that would be too personal. There was an extermination here. A mechanical, inhuman epidemic of gun shots and gas wiped out thousands. Only thousands, though. There were more, but only thousands create that mountain behind me.
One day of thousands.
I am not ashamed. I am mortified, horrified, terrified.
The sun, despite the frigid cold, is out, drifting between the clouds.
_________________________________________________________
It was exactly as I imagined it. The baths with the spigots on the ceiling are disguised so horribly that it pains me physically to see it; chambers are not even bothered with an alias, and this, I think, makes my stomach cramp painfully.
Then there are the doors after the chambers, wide enough for gurneys loaded with fifty bodies a-piece to pass through.
The worst, most painful thing for me is the “looking room.” An isolated closet with a window that faced the gassing chamber tortures me, and I can’t look through it. I pass quickly out of the chambers and into the grass and fresh air on the other end.
Someone is retching inside, and they are ushered out; apartment complexes, well over seventy years old, are no more than two hundred yards away. I’m close to being sick too.
I cannot, and I hope I never will, understand this.
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November 17 2008 12:45 am | Uncategorized
November 18th, 2008 at 9:38 am
I think this is so grotesque and amazing. Your imagery is so vivid it reminds me of the manuscripts I used to read from the war days of Pier 21 or the concentration camps across europe.
Bloody brilliant <3
November 26th, 2008 at 11:37 am
I was actually in the camps or visiting grave-sites when I wrote most of these, so the imagery you see here is sort of a fluke. It’s pretty grotesque when you see it in real life, so it wasn’t difficult to put the scenes into words, but I’m glad you like it!
Thanks!
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