Opinion: The S Word
by Ranjini Nagraj
(Georgia, USA)So I watched the VMAs a couple of nights ago. It’s sad to think about this gaudy and lecherous display of manufactured music at its plastic shiny best as a cultural touchstone, but whether or not we admit it, there’s always something that stays fresh in the minds of the people, even the ones that don’t consume popular culture like M&M’s by the fistful. We’ve seen Britney Spears climb to the top, molest reptiles (particularly of the genus Madonna Ciccone), spiral downwards into the trajectory toward failure in a tailspin that would make Maverick bust out the barf bag. But sometimes, mostly accidentally, the VMA’s give you some food for thought about popular culture, and the way we think today.
Besides the usual surfeit of undeserving accolades being handed out to “artists”, there was something that particularly caught my attention. Limey comedian Russell Brand was the host for the night, and he made a crack or two about the Jonas Brothers wearing purity rings. For those of you who don’t know, let’s consult Wikipedia.
“Purity rings, or chastity rings originated in the United States in the 1990s among Christian affiliated sexual abstinence groups. The rings are sold to adolescents, or to parents so that the rings may be given to their adolescent children as gifts. It is intended that wearing a purity ring is accompanied by a religious vow to practice celibacy until marriage.”
Back to the point - after this joke was made and recycled about a 100 times (because kids these days need to have it all spelled out for them), Jordin Sparks took to the stage with (poor awkward old) John Legend to present an award and launched into a mini-tirade about how it was ok to wear purity rings because “not every boy or girl wants to be a slut. Ok! The best video [enter awards show banter here]“.
This got me thinking. First, it was pretty ironic, telling people it’s okay to abstain from being sexually active or being non-conformist (in some weird sense) on MTV. It’s the one television network that has actually managed to make the objectification of women and provocative sexuality a pop culture item that is manufactured. The second thing was far more serious.
The question of sexuality and its practices remain till today the most controversial of topics and probably the hardest area of jurisdiction. It doesn’t get more personal than sexuality, so some caution might be suggested before simply airing out your own opinions on national TV. The debate of abstinence vs. being sexually proactive (I say proactive because it means you’re fully aware and prepared, as opposed to just being ready) is always on, and as you can probably tell which side I’m on. Yes, I am against abstinence and here’s why.
Sexuality is one of the base human impulses, and it’s been around since the beginning of time. And yeah, it’s kind of important too, because we wouldn’t be here without it. Recreational sex is what sets humans (and dolphins, too) apart from the rest of the living creatures. It’s desire, a base emotion, and it’s truly something that makes us human because it comes without being implanted into us. Even abstinence comes from the desire to adhere to a set of rules set by religion or parental pressure or society, the desire to fit in and feel one with the people around you.
Now I’m not saying that life should just be one big orgy, because then we’d have no time to eat ice cream and watch anime. But just because external pressures are forcing you to negate some desires or impulses that aren’t necessarily a bad thing doesn’t mean you should immediately give in to conformity. The idea of abstinence sounds fair - no sex until you’re married. That seems all well and good but the fact that the ideals of society, as well as the moral make-up of people, are a constantly changing and ever-evolving one is completely ignored. Retaining your virginity until marriage doesn’t necessarily guarantee a happy marriage. In my opinion, restraining your desires for so long may just evolve some irrational emotion to break free from the rules you’ve set up for yourself which could very well culminate something pretty disastrous like an extra-marital affair. All I’m saying is that, logically speaking, if you bind emotions (and sexual urges are probably the strongest human emotions, right after pain and needing to pee really bad) for so long, they’ll snap loose and hurt people as a consequence.
What else does it mean to be a virgin, besides never physically having had sex before? How on earth do you retain your “purity” by simply not having sex, maybe even when you’re thinking about having sex? Purity should be a state of mind, not a physical attribute. Sex is deeply personal when it means something to the two people engaging in it. It’s a deep level of intimacy, and sometimes just really a physical expression of the attraction and desire of one another. No matter how much people claim that being rigorously sexually active is easy, it’s not. It’s not just about getting naked with somebody; it’s the psychological effect of experiencing fear and anxiety and apprehension and anticipation about finally giving way to desire in a healthy manner, about reaching a whole new level of intimacy with each other. There’s no denying that there’s no shortage of people having sex for the fun of it (apparently, it’s fun… so, sex: 1 abstinence: 0) but for those people who truly believe that sex is possibly another way of enjoying and discovering somebody in some way unique to the two of them. While the poetry and beauty of sex may be rhapsodized about, there’s also the fact that it’s human to want to do it, and as long as no harm can come out of it (again, “harm” is extremely loosely defined), there shouldn’t be a problem, as long as it a conscious and consensual decision.
If two people are in a relationship that’s strong and stable, and are willing to reach the next level of intimacy with each other because they want to and not because they have to, then it’s fine. Nothing slutty about that. See, don’t go flinging about pejoratives you don’t have a full grasp about the meaning of. Sparks may have the best of intentions announcing what she did, but she made out that by not wearing a purity ring, you’re a slut. Ever heard of having the freedom to make a choice? I’m not saying that everyone should just be having sex, I’m saying it’s all right to make the choice to have sex because it’s your own decision, and no one should judge you for that. Shrouding people in ignorance is no good, even if you mean it for good. See, what bugs me is the insinuation that someone who’s made the choice to have sex (albeit responsibly and consensually) is a bad person, because “slut” is never used to describe somebody positively. Using “tramp” or “whore” would have been the same. So, being proactive and taking precautions when having sex isn’t enough, you must ABSTAIN which basically means hiding behind ignorance in the guise of purity.
Ignorance, the flip side of the coin of knowledge, is a pretty powerful thing and being ignorant about sex can be potentially fatal these days. Research from the CDC show that most cases of STI’s are seen in kids enrolled in the abstinence program. Want to know why? These kids had planned on just saying no, so when they did say yes, they were unprepared, ignorant about contraceptives and precautions to take when having safe sex. Nice going, jackasses. As if spreading ignorance wasn’t enough, now you’ve added syphilis into the mix.
It’s easy to be judgmental but let me make my point clear - you are not a bad person if you decide to become sexually active before marriage. If you choose to abstain because of personal reasons, hey, it’s cool because of freedom of CHOICE. That was what these “no to sex” people need to remember before they accuse everyone else of being harlots.
So, if it is a decision that you have made on your own, whether it’s to abstain or be sexually proactive, you can’t expect to be respected for your decision without respecting other people’s. In my opinion, educate yourself, because STI’s are much more of a real threat than WMDs or Miley Cyrus, and then make the decision to abstain or not.
Okay, I’m done with the rant. Have a nice day… and practice safe sex if you’re having any.
PS: The Jonas Brothers are annoying. Plastic manufactured music + Disney = no sex, anyway. They don’t need the rings; just tote around the copy of the “Camp Rock” DVD to repel sexually-active females.
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September 14 2008 03:37 am | Uncategorized
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March 1st, 2009 at 2:11 pm
I would have to say I disagree with some of this, though I agree with the main part. To me sex being a basic impulse tells me it puts us on the same level as animals, as opposed to setting us apart, just because its recreational doesn’t make it any different from a dog that eats all day because that’s just its natural instinct. You also mentioned that society and its morals are constantly changing, while I agree with this, to always agree with society would be I think ridiculous. If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m on the abstinence side, but that doesn’t necessarily constitute ignorance (thought you’re probably right on saying it often does). And yes Sparks made a strongly biased and rather naive and poorly thought out statement.
March 1st, 2009 at 7:12 pm
Thank you for your input! We did feature a second opinion on this topic in our following issue, written by me leaning more towards the abstinence side. If you’d like to check that out, we’d be more than appreciative. You can find the article here:
http://wordwebzine.com/2008/10/i-said-no-because-i-wanted-to/
Thanks for reading!
Alexandra Savilo
Word! Associate Editor
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